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With regards to messaging men, don’t be overly flirtatious as that can immediately set off their BS detector.Instead, give a man a non-sexual compliment and show interest in something from his profile.No cheesy topless shots, no stuffy formal pictures and no Myspace style self-portraits either—you want a picture that shows you are a relaxed, fun person who has an active social life.It almost doesn’t matter what information you write in your profile as long as you are conveying sincerity and vulnerability.

Try to find something that most people may have missed.

The following tips are for both men and women and they will hopefully spare you some of the failures that I went through.

Many online dating articles and products will try to convince you that what you write for your first message is the most important skill you will ever learn. For sure, what you write in your opening message and in your profile will dictate a lot of your success with online dating, but the single biggest factor is how someone responds to your profile picture. While your opening message’s content will determine if someone clicks through to your profile, it’s that little thumbnail image that will determine if they open the message at all.

It will come across as needy, and although you may have the sexiest picture imaginable, your chances of meeting someone are virtually zero if you sound like a douche. A truly attractive person is comfortable in their own skin and has the confidence to reveal their thoughts and feelings without caring what anyone else thinks.

Vulnerability is the essence of opening yourself up without fearing rejection. Ask your best friend or someone you trust to proofread your profile to check that what you have written is a fair and honest representation of your personality and you aren’t coming across like a crazy person. Okay, you’ve sorted out your profile and taken some decent pictures, now you’re ready to send your very first message. First, don’t just send messages out blindly: you have to tailor the message to your goals and the person you are writing to.

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